Alpha
by Page of Cups
Summary: Cloud was there once and would have given anything to have an option. Riku saw no other way. Two broken souls, two broken hearts. CLOUDRIKU. Allusion to nonconsensual RikuAnsem.


**Title**: Alpha  
**Author**: Page of Cups  
**Pairing**: Cloud Strife/Riku  
**Fandom**: Kingdom Hearts  
**Rating**: R  
**Theme**: #21 Violence; Pillage/Plunder; Extortion

**Disclaimer**: I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I'm not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

**Author's Note**: This was very hard to write. Had a lot of emotion in it. This will have a sequel to it called 'Omega' and you can look for it later this week.

**WARNINGS: UNDERAGE SEXUAL CONTENT. Allusion to non-consensual RikuxAnsem/Xehanort-thingy and consensual sex between Cloud and Riku.**

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They met in the Underworld in the beginning. Riku was hardly with Maleficent at the time, still searching for Kairi and Sora after they were separated when the Heartless took over Destiny Islands. He spent all day doing chores around Maleficent's castle in exchange for room and board, capturing princesses in exchange for her services with finding his friends. Hades was throwing one of his infamous villain parties (sidekicks, lackeys, and minions included) where they all sat around, cackled maniacally, and reveled in being evil. When Riku first heard of the party, he assumed Maleficent would order him to stay in the castle, but she insisted he accompany her. These people, she said, were now his allies, and she needed him to keep an eye out for any devious behavior (besides the required devious behavior required of villains, that was).

Cloud was in a nasty mood. He sat in a corner, refusing to mingle, separated from the others. His crimson cape was drawn around his shoulders as he held his head down and nursed a glass of rum and coke. In retrospect, it may not have been the smartest idea for Riku to distance from the others and take a spot next to him, but the man in the corner seemed to feel the same about this "party." It had been so long since Riku had anyone other than Maleficent and himself for company.

"Couldn't stand to listen to them anymore," said Riku.

Cloud grunted.

"My name's Riku."

"Cloud."

In the beginning, Cloud answered Riku's questions with a glare and one to two-word answers at the most. Riku learned Cloud worked for Hades, didn't like working for Hades, and was searching for someone that had something to do with his darkness. He didn't talk much, was very moody, and had a taste for liquor. Riku talked of his lost friends while Cloud grunted. Twenty minutes of Cloud's glares drove Riku back to Maleficent's side. He assumed they'd never see or speak to each other again. Their meeting was inconsequential.

----------0----------

Riku was in Olympus Coliseum on business the next time he met with Cloud. Maleficent sent him with orders to retrieve Hades from the Underworld for an important villain meeting. He'd seen Sora once since then, argued over the Keyblade, and now assumed they weren't friends anymore. Riku gathered Princess Jasmine from Agrabah, but Jafar was dead at Sora's hands, and Maleficent made Riku the messenger. He dreaded the meeting. Hades didn't care for him to begin with and was bound to find some way that pinpointed Riku as the fault for Jafar's demise.

He was hungry. It was a long way through the corridors of darkness from Hollow Bastion to Olympus Coliseum, and as the dread filled his heart, the hunger increased in his stomach. Instead of walking straight to the Underworld, he turned off into the town and stopped inside a small restaurant. The lighting was low; red lanterns lined the walls and small lamps hung above the round tables. It was mostly empty—a few patrons sat inside, eating and speaking low. Cigarette smoke curled around the room. A bar stood against the side wall and behind the counter drying glasses was Cloud.

Riku glanced around, wondering whether to just take a table or if there was a host or hostess he should wait for to be seated.

"Riku, right?"

His voice drew Riku from his reverie. He nodded and walked over to the bar.

"You're still in Olympus Coliseum?" said Riku. "I heard you weren't working for Hades anymore."

Cloud motioned for him to take a seat.

"He fired me for contract infringement. What are you doing here?"

"Jafar is dead. I'm on orders to tell Hades and bring him to Hollow Bastion. You work here?"

"Tournaments in the Coliseum don't pay well, and I need the munny to fix my Gummi ship."

"Still looking for that guy?"

"Sephiroth? Yeah. I see you're still working for Maleficent."

Riku shrugged.

"I kind of have to. My best friend hates me, I need her help finding my other best friend, and besides the other world villains, she's the only one I know."

Cloud stared at him for a second and then put the glass aside.

"So what're you doing in here?"

"Hungry, and I'm putting of seeing Hades. He hates me. Like everyone else."

"I don't hate you."

"You don't know me, though it seemed like it at that party."

"I didn't want to be there."

"Me, either."

"You know if you ever need somewhere else to go I have a place here in Olympus Coliseum. You could come in here to find me, and if I'm not here, someone will tell you where I live. We're open twenty-four hours a day."

Riku blinked.

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why would you . . .?"

"I know what it's like being stuck in something you don't want to do, especially without friends."

"Oh."

"So what do you want to eat?"

----------0----------

Riku never expected to take Cloud up on his offer. He didn't need pity, wasn't interested in sympathy, and had no desire to accept empathy. Maleficent did find Kairi, and Riku worked harder than ever to help her. He ran into Sora several times and it resulted in several more arguments. He continued to work for Maleficent as the darkness filled his heart with fear and hate. His arrogance refused to give in and told him to stay strong. Then he met Ansem.

Ansem was a constant presence ever since he opened that door to darkness and let the Heartless into Destiny Islands. His voice was always there, whispering thoughts into Riku's mind. Under most circumstances Riku wouldn't have ever opened that door, but he heard Kairi talking to Sora about leaving on the raft without him, and anger got the best of him. He wouldn't have walked away from Sora in Traverse Town, but Ansem egged him on. It would have never crossed his mind to do the things he'd done in Monstro, but there Ansem was in his brain, telling him that this would help Kairi. He didn't have another option.

The voice worried Riku; it made him wonder if he'd lost his mind. He did what he could to push away the thoughts, accept the darkness, and use whatever he could to help Kairi. It was his only goal. He needed to be more powerful, needed to do what was necessary whether or not he would have ordinarily thought it was wrong. When Ansem started to obtain a figure of his own, become his own entity, Riku wondered if this was like Cloud's Sephiroth—a figure born of his own darkness to torment him.

Night would come, and along with it came Ansem. It was merely frightening at first. Riku felt he lost control of his own mind, control of his body. He forgot things that had happened and did things he was sure he had no power over. His body moved without his consent. He thought things he knew were wrong. As time went on, the figure became more powerful, almost human. Crewman on the Jolly Roger behaved different—turned into Ansem's form before his eyes as he possessed them. Riku struggled as Ansem held him down and whispered of the darkness, of becoming a servant. As Riku fell asleep, the sheets shifted, and the body was in bed beside him.

Riku felt his body tremble and fear fill his heart as the night approached. He accepted Maleficent's gifts of darkness in hopes of staving these visits off, but they only increased. Soon it was expected that when night came, Ansem would slip into bed beside him. His hands would ghost over Riku's skin, trail across his body. Riku would refuse to think; he'd refuse to acknowledge what was happening. When day came, he yelled at everyone around him, sank farther into darkness, and hated everyone and everything. He hated Sora for being so perfect. Kairi was weak and pathetic for allowing her heart to be taken. No one on the Jolly Roger seemed to notice the possessions or the nightly visits, and Riku hated them for that, too, because though he couldn't bear the thought that anyone might figure it out, they didn't do anything to stop it, either. Riku hated himself for being so weak, and in a way, he assumed he must deserve these nightly excursions that made him feel so abused and violated—his punishment for what he'd done to Destiny Islands and everyone who lived there.

It was out of fear that Riku met Cloud for the third time. He slipped into a portal of darkness one night not long before Sora arrived in Neverland and ran. There was no destination in mind. There was nothing save for a burning desire to outrun Ansem before he heard the rustle of sheets, before Ansem's hands were on his body and Ansem was inside him and all Riku could do was scream. He ended up in Olympus Coliseum.

"I didn't expect to see you here again," said Cloud as Riku walked into the restaurant.

"I didn't know where else to go."

Cloud first smiled when Riku walked in, but when Riku spoke and Cloud caught sight of his face, the smile fell.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it here."

"Why don't you take a seat? I'll be right back."

Cloud disappeared through a back door, emerged ten minutes later, and walked toward the door. He motioned for Riku to follow.

"Don't you have to work?"

"I got someone to cover for me. Let's get out of here."

Riku followed Cloud along the roads of Olympus Coliseum, the warm summer air beading sweat on his neck and causing his hair to stick to his skin. They arrived at a small building and Cloud took out his key, letting them in. Riku followed Cloud into the kitchen; they took seats at the table.

"Do you want something to drink or eat?"

Riku crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.

"What happened? Something with Maleficent?"

Riku hesitated. The fear lingered. Cloud didn't know him, he didn't know Cloud, and what if it wasn't like Riku thought it was? What if he _did _deserve what was happening to him? What if Cloud turned him away, disgusted? What if Cloud agreed that Riku deserved it? What if Cloud was just like Ansem, and after hearing how filthy and worthless Riku was, took advantage of the situation?

His eyes moved up and locked with Cloud's.

"How do I know that I can trust you?"

Cloud shrugged.

"You won't know until you tell me what's going on, but you don't have to worry. I'm not going to hurt you."

That was when Riku broke. The tears spilled forth and the entire story tumbled from his lips. Cloud watched him the entire time as Riku detailed everything from the raft on Destiny Islands to the present. When he got to Ansem, he dropped his voice, watched as Cloud listened. He skirted around the issue, but continued, and Cloud stared.

"So he's raping you."

Riku swallowed.

"You could call it that."

"And you think you deserve it because you let the Heartless in to take over your home when you didn't even know it was going to happen?"

"I opened my heart to darkness."

"That's not a good reason to rape someone."

"I'm . . . I'm gay."

"That was random. So what?"

"Ansem says . . ."

"What? That you deserve it because you're a sick queer, too?"

". . . Yeah."

"That's shit."

Riku stared.

"That's shit," Cloud repeated. "No one deserves what he's putting you through. He's just fucking with you so you don't fight back." Cloud rummaged through the cupboards, pulled out a mug, and made tea. He passed it to Riku. "Drink. It'll make you feel a little better."

"I'm sorry to bother you with this."

"It's okay. I invited you. Besides, I get the feeling you don't have a friend in the world right now."

"Not really, but I don't need pity."

"No, you need a place to sleep where you aren't going to get raped."

"What if he possesses you, too?"

"I'm aware enough to not let him in."

"You're not disgusted with me?"

"It's not your fault he's a sick bastard."

"But I'm gay . . ."

"And I'm bisexual. Who cares? It's sexual orientation, not a death sentence."

"Why did you invite me here? I know you said that you understood, but . . ."

Cloud sighed.

"Because I was where you are once and I would have given anything for an option."

Riku nodded.

"I have to go back. I have to help Kairi."

"Sleep here tonight. Visit whenever you want. I'll be here."

----------0----------

Riku saw Cloud for the fourth, fifth, and sixth time before Sora arrived in Neverland. He did nothing more than talk, eat Cloud's food, and sleep in peace—heavenly nights devoid of Heartless when Ansem didn't make his way into his bed or his body. When he returned from these retreats, Ansem chided him. He was rougher at night; Riku bled more. He stopped visiting Cloud when he returned to Hollow Bastion with Kairi and things got worse. He confronted Sora, lost his body to Ansem, and wandered the realm of darkness.

The seventh time he saw Cloud was long after the sixth. He'd already left Castle Oblivion by that time. Ansem was only a shadow in his heart. King Mickey and Riku parted ways as Riku went onward to confront the darkness inside him. He needed to do it on his own and defeat Ansem once and for all. He needed this, needed it to move on.

Riku hadn't stood in Hollow Bastion since his possession unless you counted the awful experience in Castle Oblivion. When he arrived, he was surprised to find it full of people, homes, shops, and even moogles. His intentions were to return to the castle—a part of the healing process to confront what had happened and clear his mind. It was his weak heart that caused so much anxiety, so much anguish, and though he could stare darkness in the face unflinching, the memories of Ansem's hands on his body made his skin crawl.

As he crossed the marketplace, he saw Cloud standing by a shop talking with a man in leather pants and long, brown hair. Cloud glanced around and his eyes fell on Riku. He exchanged a few more words with the man and then turned, walking in Riku's direction.

"It's you," said Cloud.

"It's me," said Riku.

"Haven't seen you in awhile. What happened?"

"Every time I left to see you, Ansem made me regret it."

Cloud nodded.

"How are you?"

"Ansem is gone."

"I heard. Sora was off to kill him last I heard."

"You know Sora?"

"Vaguely."

Riku stared.

"Yeah," said Cloud, "I know what happened. I heard about you getting possessed."

"Oh."

As time would go on Riku would tell Cloud everything about what happened between the last time they'd seen each other—the realm of darkness, Castle Oblivion, the King, and his quest to rid himself of Ansem—but for now he settled for saying nothing.

----------0----------

Riku stayed in Hollow Bastion long than he expected and saw Cloud so many times that he could no longer keep track of the number. They grew closer—saw each other every day, and Riku learned more about Sephiroth, more about Cloud, and more about himself. Memories of Ansem fell to the back of his mind the more time they spent together. He saw Cloud for the fifth time in one week on the third Saturday of his stay in Hollow Bastion when Riku lost his mind and his sobriety.

Cloud spent his weekends drinking, usually with the brunette, Leon, at a local bar. He refused to take Riku along, told him he was too young, but Riku continued to insist. He told Cloud of all the times he drank back on Destiny Islands. He swore he wasn't too young, and that if he could fight the Heartless, he could imbibe alcohol as well.

"You're persistent, aren't you?" said Cloud. He agreed to let Riku drink under his supervision as long as it wasn't in public.

So here they were, sitting in Cloud's crappy apartment in Hollow Bastion, rum and cokes in hand. It had been longer since he last drank than Riku thought. Drink three ceased to burn his stomach. The room seemed fuzzy and the floor moved from beneath his feet when he tried to walk to the bathroom. After drink four, he threw himself on Cloud, pressing their lips together in a sloppy drunken kiss.

Cloud didn't protest.

----------0----------

Riku passed five months in Hollow Bastion doing little but spending time with Cloud. Ansem continued to crop up in his thoughts, but he continued to shove them away. He ignored the nagging in his mind that he had a mission to rid himself of Ansem completely, and instead settled to distract himself with Cloud. It was five months of doing nothing but kissing, talking, fucking. Cloud questioned him constantly—whether it was okay after what he'd been through, or if they were moving too fast. Riku always silenced him, pressed their mouths together, rolled his hips, and Cloud would groan and forget the conversation ever started in the first place.

It was okay to be with Cloud like this. He trusted Cloud. Cloud was never hurtful, and the first to show him kindness since the ordeal with the Heartless began. He kept to himself. The relationship was one of lust and friendship. There was nothing serious here, nothing to get attached to. There was nothing real to hurt. Sex no longer was simply associated with Ansem in his mind. Sex with Cloud was okay. It didn't matter how many times Cloud worried that it wasn't; Riku refused to listen. Riku _said_ it was okay, and so it was.

Riku lay in Cloud's bed, sheets pooled around his waist. He watched as Cloud slipped out of the sheets and pulled his clothing on. His fingers raked through his hair, and then he turned.

"We can't do this anymore," said Cloud.

"Can't do what?"

"You're avoiding things."

"Cloud . . ."

"Riku . . . _I_ can't do this anymore. You have things you need to do. Ansem to take care of. That DiZ guy needs your help with Sora. You have to find that Roxas kid. We just can't have these kinds of attachments."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

Cloud sighed.

"I can't do this anymore. We aren't even _really_ dating."

"What is it that you can't do? Fuck me?"

"Yes. I can't . . . There's too much shit that bothers me."

"Because I'm young or because I'm damaged goods?"

"Riku . . . it isn't like that."

"Oh, yeah? Then how is it?"

"I don't want to be a distraction."

Riku snorted.

"That's what I am to you. Just someone to fuck until you find Sephiroth."

Cloud actually had the audacity to laugh.

"You're ridiculous, you know that? I love you. I want you to be okay, but you have shit you need to do before you even _can _be okay. We can't do this anymore."

"That's not fair. You say you love me, that it's not just fucking, but you'll fuck me and then break up with me? Yeah. That's love all right."

"Riku . . ."

Five months had passed and Riku had long since lost count of the times he'd spent beneath Cloud. He glared before storming from the apartment and told himself it didn't matter because it was nothing serious. There were no attachments, and how dare Cloud say he loved him when he obviously was just as trivial to Cloud as Cloud was to him? He was trivial because Riku _said _he was trivial, even if his heart was breaking.

* * *

**_Okay, so I lied in my last post, "Transition," about when I'd put this up. I editted tonight, loved it, and decided to post._**

**_If you didn't read the Author's Note at the top, this will have a sequel entitled "Omega" that you can look for later on in the week._**

**_I'm going to see Taste of Chaos today in New Jersey (The Used! Yay!) so I won't get any writing done today, but I will be writing on Wednesday, so expect more of 100 Steps To Somewhere either on Wednesday or Thursday. Expect "Omega" sometime around then, too._**

**_Fear not, dear reader, I have not forgotten 100 Steps. I am simply trying to figure out how to cram a year in very few prompts because it seems, dear reader, that I have written more than anticipated and am running out of space._**

**_I will not beg for reviews. I will write whether you like it or not. I'm stubborn like that, but I do like reviews and encourage them, so feel free to leave one. I always love opening my inbox to input._**

**_Have a lovely day._**


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